by Edward Precht. @pertoltprecht. NEW YORK, NY – The secret to a great piece of art is a great, unanswerable question, and, in the case of Proof – now playing at the Booth Theatre – that question is the authenticity of a newly-discovered mathematical formula. Earlier today, the brightest minds behind The Broadway Beat announced they’d solved said formula, and it turns out it’s “80085,” also known as the numeric spelling of the English word “boobs.” “Its simplicity is in its c

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @benschrager.bsky.social. CONEY ISLAND, NY - The serenity of the seashore’s surf stopped short this Sunday, sliced by screams in its stead: Sandy, a seashell seller washed up dead around 1:58 or 1:59 this afternoon. “Everyone knew her,” said local baker Betty Botter, while exchanging a bit of bitter butter she bought at the bodega for some better butter. “She sells… well, sold seashells by the seashore,” blubbered Betty. “So

by Brady Thomas. @cbradyt. NEW YORK, NY. — This just in: the halls of ATG Entertainment are buzzing with panic and confusion after realizing that Titanique, their Tony-nominated new musical of the season, is facing down an iceberg-sized problem heading into award season: they totally got the ship’s name wrong. “HOW THE HELL DID THIS GET PAST US FOR SO LONG?” screamed Sam Dietz, a mid-level brand manager on the Titanique account. “I just assumed that SOMEBODY would have picke

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio. P!NK photo By Raph_PH - PinkSpurs160624 (33 of 156), CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=149507004 June Squibb photo By Harald Krichel - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=165906153 NEW YORK, NY - On the heels of Broadway legend P!NK being announced as this year’s Tony Awards host, The Broadway Beat has been given an exclusive first look at her opening number, which will blend her deep ca

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @ benschrager.bsky.social . SPARTANBURG, SC - Good news and bad news, Broadway Beatniks (does that work as a name for our fanbase? We’re testing it out). The good news is that we’ve tracked down Diana Goodman from Next to Normal , and she’s still alive! The bad news is, she’s fully into RFK Jr. now. “The doctors tried to convince me that their electroshock and pills could save me. But it was only after I heard RFK Jr. speak

by Sarah Lasko. @saraheleora. LINCOLN, NE. – In an unforeseen act of grit and bravery, the nation’s ivories have called for an end to inappropriate tickling, once and for all. “This is the start of a new day,” declares Josh Steinway, a representative for PIANO (Protecting Instruments Against Nonconsensual Overtures). “No more will we withstand getting our keys pounded at parties. The next time any of you attempt a tipsy ‘Heart and Soul,’ expect to hear from our lawyers.” Man