by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Legendary mystical genie Bazuz The Harmonious revealed today that he was the very being who granted playwright David Mamet the wish of “unlimited second chances” in 1985, and who now feels great regret toward the decision, sources have confirmed.
“I was young, naive,” noted the genie, who stands at 11-feet tall and is donned with a selection of fine jewels and chains. “At the time, the only wish we couldn’t grant was for unlimited wishes. But now that I’ve seen what his freedom has done, I wish I had found a loophole. Made something up. Anything. It’s… it’s all my fault,” he said before pouring a fifth shot of bourbon.
Mamet, who just announced another revival of his play American Buffalo, the last iteration of which famously flopped and closed after 8 performances in 2008, has relentlessly been given opportunities to stage his works despite their financial and critical woes.
Some Broadway insiders were relieved to find out that Bazuz was behind the phenomenon.
“I knew there was no way that Broadway would be so generous to this one playwright while constantly undermining and undervaluing so many diverse voices in our community,” says Broadway League representative Danielle Cullins. “To find out that it was just one genie’s mistake really sums it up. It’s nice to know that truly nobody else is at fault for this.”
Patrons at a local Starbucks note that Mamet was recently seen being instantly handed a fresh cup of coffee after spilling his all over the cafe counter, while attendees at a local performance of his play Oleanna noted an odd occurrence in the second act.
“One of the actors flubbed their line, and it was like time reversed and let them take it again,” noted audience member Jane Barrocks. “So, does that mean this spell or whatever touches everything he does? Cause his last few plays weren’t great, so I’m just confused by the er, ahhh, eeeee… all of his plays are great and we should all give him money,” noted Barrocks before getting back in line at the box office to see the show yet again.
At press time, Mamet and his team were seen combing through his personal calendar, trying to balance all of his major stage and screen offers with his new gig as an SNL featured player.
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