by Nick Navari. @nnavari.
THE CORNER OF 175th STREET, NY - Lightning strikes twice in Washington Heights as Abuela Claudia, 87, takes home the jackpot yet again from the New York Lottery, for a total of $96,000 - which should be enough to cover a few months of rent.
“Whoop-de-doo,” said Abuela, surrounded by losing scratch-off tickets. "I remember when $96,000 used to mean something. This whole neighborhood went crazy singing about 96 G’s and ‘brand new weaves’ or whatever; now it’s just a lower-middle class salary. Maybe some of it can convince the utility company to turn my fridge back on.”
Despite the measly payout, Abuela’s friends and family have once again started to come out of the woodwork to ask for a slice of the pie. Sonny, who helps run the bodega that sold her the ticket, was the first in line.
“Last time this happened I got about a third of it,” said Sonny, drinking straight from a can of sweetened condensed milk. “I’m gunning for about half this time. And by that I mean: if I don’t get half, I literally won’t be able to do laundry, ride the subway, or get groceries this month. Greatest city in the world.”
Usnavi, who owns the bodega, seemed to dodge our questions.
“Oh yeah, I guess it is crazy that she won again and we sold the ticket,” said Usnavi, darting his eyes back and forth suspiciously. “No me diga, you know?”
His hesitancy is likely due to the fact that the bodega itself is under investigation, as Abuela’s connection to the store and its owners seemed too coincidental.
“The same woman winning the same amount of money from the same bodega seems fishy to me,” said Lorenzo Colatenzo, lead investigator of Oddly-Specific Lottery Winnings with the New York Housing Authority.
“Just last week the bodega sold a winning ticket to a couple of artists named Mark, Mimi, Rodger, Maureen, and Angel who haven’t been paying their landlord, so something is going on."
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