Uh-Oh! That Choice Was Way Too Bold and Now It’s Weird

by Sara Nicole.

TULSA, OK. –  Disaster struck when musical theater actor Jonathan Letterman risked a wildly bold choice during his callback for a regional production of The Little Mermaid, disturbed sources report. 

“I was called back for Flotsam and Jetsam, and I thought I’d try something to really stand out. Since I would be portraying an eel, I decided to really play that up. I shimmied my entire body into a tube sock, covered myself in Vaseline, and slithered and writhed around on the ground like that while screaming along to ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls,’” Letterman explained sheepishly, while being escorted out by the police. 

“I don’t think the audition panel was into it, but that’s okay. You win some, you lose some. All I can really do now is overthink that choice every time I try to fall asleep for the rest of my life.”

The casting director who witnessed the choice, Beth English, confirmed that it was indeed very memorable.

 “I am haunted by the choice,” shuddered English, as she placed Letterman’s headshot and resume into the shredder. “I called Jonathan’s agent afterward. Not to offer him a contract, but just to ask what his deal is.”

A maintenance man who works at the audition studio, Matthew Price, confirmed that the choice was felt throughout the facility.

 “I’ve seen this one other time, but not as bad”, said Price grimly, while gently waving a lit bundle of sage around the space. “Where an actor makes things so uncomfortable with a bold choice that it becomes a public safety concern. I had to evacuate all the other auditioners from the building. We had to wait outside for several hours before resuming, until the area was clear of the bad vibes.” 

At press time, another auditioner reportedly made the exact same choice immediately after Letterman, and ended up booking the role.