by Steven Verdile. @SillyVerdile.
NEVERLAND - After more than 70 years of giving Tinkerbell our applause and sincerest “belief in fairies," some are saying it’s about time that we stop giving her handouts and make her learn how the real world works.
“You see, Tinkerbell knowingly drinks poison, night after night, and then asks if we believe in fairies and to clap if we do,” began eight-year old Eddie Bonson as he closed his RobinHood app. “Obviously I believe in fairies - I mean, she’s right there on stage. But I think she’s fishing for it, ya know? I can’t continue to endorse her entitled expectation that hard working kids like me will bail her out with our clapping. That's a weak mentality.”
As we surveyed a group of meandering boys near the theater, they expressed that she should “pull herself up by her slippers,” that they were “definitely not lost” and that we should “stop calling them that because they know where they’re going but they just got turned around for a second.”
Later we spoke with Mike Wilson, who plays Peter Pan, and shared a similar sentiment.
“It’s almost condescending how she just assumes that Peter doesn’t know poison when he sees it,” he told us as he gulped down some thick raw milk. ”I studied hard to really understand the Peter character, and he’s not gonna drink that poison! She’s just being a dramatic little diva like every other pixie cut blonde in this industry.”
After we followed a trail of glitter leading to a dark corner of Shubert Alley, we confronted Louise Pinky, the actress playing the tiny fairy, with these new accusations.
“Little me, desperate for attention? It’s about giving them a show! I need every little boy in that crowd to think it was his 'beliefs' that shot me back to life, and not the snort of fresh ‘fairy dust’ I keep in my pocket,” she said before sighing dramatically, ripping another line of a glittery powder and taking off her sparkly wing extensions.
“But maybe I’m not doing them any favors with my marvelous acting skills. Someone should let those boys know their claps aren’t actually healing me. Lord knows they will never grow up otherwise.”
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