by Elizabeth Downing.
LEWISTON, ID — Earlier this afternoon, Central High School drama club director and self-proclaimed psychic Ms. Lauren Tillman posted the cast list for the spring production of Beauty and the Beast, with junior Zoe Beaumont and her long-term boyfriend Jackson Miller set to play the leads.
“I just kept seeing them around school together,” said Tillman, while drafting an email on her decision to include the three additional stage kisses in the production. “It was like the universe was trying to tell me something. Even better, they were always either hugging or fighting, so I know they have the emotional range.”
Beaumont, who joined choir to fulfill her arts requirement for graduation and only just found out that Central High School has a drama club, was thrilled to discuss the upcoming show.
“We’re basically a real-life love story already,” she announced, while her call to Miller went straight to voicemail. “It’s obvious that we’re meant for these roles. I’m really hot, and everyone says he’s a bully, but he’s really just misunderstood. I’ve been trying to get a hold of him to discuss theming our prom outfits around the movie, but he just said he was helping his girl friend with homework and I haven’t heard from him since.”
Victoria Anderson, a senior member of the drama club who spent upwards of 100 hours prepping her audition and will be playing Lefou, was more skeptical of the clandestine casting announcement.
“Jackson only got the part because all the other guys were too afraid of him to audition,” she claimed, after assuring us that her 30 minute crying spell following the posting was due to allergies. “And I’m pretty sure Zoe paid Ms. Tillman to cast her opposite him. But if my final show gets ruined because those two can’t keep it together, I’m quitting theatre and starting college on the pre-law track.”
As of press time, a distraught Beaumont explained that the couple had broken up due to Miller’s flirtatious texts to all three Silly Girls, Mrs. Potts, and Gaston.
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