Director Stages Feminist "Taming of the Shrew" by Having Kate Say Final Monologue All Ironic & Sassy

by Kallan Dana. kallanrdana@gmail.com

PORTLAND, OR - Director Charity Lump is giving The Taming of the Shrew, Shakespeare’s screwball comedy about domestic abuse, a fittingly feminist twist - directing her lead actress to say her misogynistic lines with an “ironic” tone of voice and a “sassy” physicality, sources confirmed.

“Many directors consider Taming just too sexist to stage nowadays, specifically the part when Petruchio physically and emotionally abuses Kate until she is a mere shell of her former self, which I guess now that I’m saying it aloud is actually just the whole plot,” said Helga Yonkers, Lump’s dramaturg/ex-girlfriend while scrolling through the play’s Wikipedia page. “Charity has a history of toying with the Bard! In 2016, she staged a controversial production of Romeo and Juliet by costuming the titular characters like Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. If anyone can make a play just confusing enough to maybe-sort-of seem feminist, it’s Charity.”

Lump, a native Oregonian who inexplicably speaks in a Cockney accent, philosophized about her creative process.

“The fink about Shakespeare is that ’is plays are universal, innit, so you can really ignore everyfink about the story, its characters, and their lines.” Adjusting her Pussy Hat, Lump went on. “Blimey! I couldn’t fink of anyfink more important for me ter do than stage a feminist Shakespeare production. I made a list and that was the only fin’ on it.”

Ophelia Von Katz, Lump’s muse, current girlfriend, and the actress portraying Kate, sung her director/partner’s praises.

“Charity is like avant-avant-garde,” Katz lauded, giving Lump a foot massage during the sixth unscheduled rehearsal break of the day. “I thought that my lines about wifely obedience were sexist and dated, but now, in my last monologue, I wink every other word and go ‘shhhhhh’ like I have a big sexy secret. I feel so empowered.”

At press time, Lump said that she is looking forward to the eventual live production and announced that she is currently still seeking actors for every part except Kate.