by Kevin Burke. @ke7inburke.
NEW YORK, NY — In a fun, exciting turn of events, patrons of the Gershwin Theatre’s Thursday night performance of Wicked were met with unexpected news: the $8 Skittles they just purchased could not be brought into the auditorium once the show had started.
“Honestly, I wasn’t disappointed at all,” said one attendee, Paul Wright, who was apparently already in the red financially before the show started. “I love buying an overpriced snack only to find out that I have to scarf the whole bag within the next four minutes. Sure, it upset my stomach for the rest of the evening, but at least my date was only a little embarrassed to be seen with me.”
Anne Edwards, however, visiting the city with her family for the weekend, was less than pleased with the Gershwin’s food and beverage policy.
“It’s unbelievable how they treat us, and it’s not just Skittles!” said Edwards, who audibly gasped when she heard about their strict “No Snickers” policy as well. “Seriously, I did not drive five and a half hours with my mother-in-law just to chug a glass of white wine in the ladies room during intermission. Did I still do it? Yes. Do I regret it? No. Would I do it again? Every time… but I’d just like the option, I guess.”
Longtime Broadway enthusiast and native New Yorker, George Barnes, has been livid about changes like this for years.
“First they say you can’t chain-smoke multiple cigars in the orchestra section anymore, and now this!” complained Barnes, who seemed to embrace the concept of secondhand smoke like an old friend from his war days. “This just isn’t the New York I used to know. I’m telling you, back in the day I’d suck down a dozen musty Charleston Chews before the first number, and twenty soggy Chick-O-Sticks before intermission – all for just three ha’penny and a firm handshake.”
When the Gershwin was reached for comment, representatives from the theatre told reporters that they increased the price of Skittles to $10 just for asking, and threatened that they will “make you eat them outside if you keep this up.”
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