by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is set to wingardium leviosa again, this time as a shortened version eschewing the epic, two part staging in favor of a 20 minute, close-up magic version staged next to those side doors of the Port Authority Bus Terminal that are locked at weird hours, enchanted sources confirmed.
“We are thrilled to bring a thrilling new staging of the show to thrill generations of thrill-seekers for thrills to come,” noted playwright Jack Thorne, who basically just tore out pages at random to get it down to the desired length. “We feel placing this version of the show - which is basically some cool card tricks and a nonsensical monologue about Delphi’s tattoo - outside the most stressful place in our city is a perfect way to say ‘welcome back, New York! Give us $400’.”
All of the show’s magic will remain mostly intact, with notable differences being that quick changes will now happen in the Port Authority stalls, and that all the flying will be done on pretty-visible fishing wire ascended above the show’s new tip bucket, next to the play’s CDs, which exist for some reason.
At press time, producers noted that they were open to bringing back the two part rendition for future stagings, or as soon as the “showtime” teams come to claim back their spot outside the bus stop.
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