by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Local single man and introductory theatre fan Chris Jerman - in an attempt to impress a date he really wants to go well - has invited his possible love to see a performance of Broadway revival The Whom’s Thomas.
“I guess I’m just a dignified guy, who enjoys high art,” noted Jerman, seen Googling whether the Nederlander Theatre sells Dom Perignon, as well as “what is dom perignon.” “I look forward to a rich evening of cultural intake, and a lively discussion about the merits of this so-called Pinball Necromancer,” he added, pausing to see if we noticed him using a different word.
Jerman's date, Lily Gambridge - an aspiring actor who tripped on her way to the subway last week and didn’t think anyone saw, but we did, lol - wasn’t impressed by her high-society hubby.
“He kept referring to the ushers as ‘The Queen’s Guard’, and he kept trying to play off the neighboring restaurants as something fancy? Boy, that’s a Red Lobster,” noted Gambridge, who was greeted with four dozen subway-salesman roses upon her arrival. “Then during ‘Sparks’ he kept insisting that the violas were ‘really wailing.’ Was he pretending to not know non-orchestral instruments? Boy, those are guitars.”
Many of their fellow theatregoers actually were impressed by Jerman’s panache.
“This guy knows his stuff,” noted audience member Liz Colloway, pointing to Jerman, who was reading his Playbill with opera glasses. “Last week, my wife and I saw the Neil Diamond musical, An Alluring Cacophony, and afterword she asked to renew our vows. Sometimes all it takes is a little certain ‘je ne sea quad’ to get the love brewing.”
At press time, Jerman was seen attempting to leave the theater, asking his date what this "colossal, hulking, mineral ore apparatus" blocking his exit might be. Boy, that’s a door.
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