by Max Henry. @maxtastrophe.
D.C. - Doug Emhoff, husband to vice president-elect Kamala Harris, has officially accepted the much sought-after role of Second Spouse, a role many argue was explicitly intended for white women.
“I should be allowed to play any person, or any tree, or any politician’s spouse,” said Emhoff in a prepared statement. “I understand that this is my first major role, but I’m committed to doing it justice. In fact, I just put in my two weeks at my survival gig as a wildly successful lawyer.”
Ernestine Jackson, a high school drama teacher who also begrudgingly teaches history due to significant budget cuts, thinks this is an all-too-common example of white women like her being shut out of rare opportunities to be represented in the mainstream.
“The character of Second Lady of the United States was revolutionary when Abigail Adams first stepped into the role. We’ve made strides since then, but it’s still a struggle,” Jackson explained while blowing cigarette smoke out of her classroom window. “Only 45 out of the last 45 Second Ladies were white women. The move to cast Mr. Emhoff in the iconic role only further erodes representation.”
Twitter user NotMy2ndGent, a self-proclaimed “SLOTUS Stan” according to their bio, expressed further outrage over Emhoff’s casting in a thread of fifty-eight passionate tweets.
“It’s not just because he’s a rich white guy. I am sick and tired of this industry embracing nepotism over talent,” NotMy2ndGent explained in a lengthy Twitter thread that included the hashtag ‘#slonotforus’. “Doug would have never even made it into the audition room if his wife wasn’t the incoming Vice President. Where are Doug’s credentials? I bet nobody even remembers his monologue.”
Sources were quick to point out that Emhoff did not audition with a monologue. Instead, the incoming Second Gentleman bested Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s husband Bruce with a stirring 16-bar cut of the titular song from Starlight Express.
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