Local Audience Claps Far Too Long After Relatively Unimportant Musical Number

by Val Barnhart.

DENVER - A recent production of Cinderella at Denver Central High School left the audience and cast alike in suspense as a roaring round of applause for “Stepsisters’ Lament” carried on for fifteen minutes past the song’s end.

“I had to falsetto the high notes and my quick change took, like, a minute longer than it was supposed to,” said Dorothy Stevenson, an acne-and-anxiety-riddled sophomore filling in as understudy for the role of Charlotte. “Honestly, it just sucked. It was probably my worst performance yet, and I’ve only gone on once. Didn’t they know there were better songs coming?”

Katherine Harris, the presiding director at DHS as well as a dropout alumnus of the school, said it was somehow one of the most awkward moments she’d witnessed at a show.

“They just wouldn’t stop. That was probably our worst run yet, and the audience wouldn’t stop fucking clapping. The whole thing carried on so long we had to haul off two of the ensemble members who ended up fainting from locking their knees,” she recalled, gulping down two Advil tablets. “I’m ashamed to say that it was the most applause we’ve ever received. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of the theatre moms who kept it going, though. A few of them volunteer around here just a little too much.”

Audience members indeed reported seeing Angeline Stevenson, Dorothy’s mother and chairwoman of the Denver High School PTA, leading the ovation. Brian Evanson, DHS drum major and boyfriend of the usual actress for Charlotte, reported multiple occasions where Stevenson was the only one clapping in the house.

“It was alright,” he noted of the performance. “Dot tried her best, I guess, but the whole thing with her mom got pretty ridiculous. My hands were numb for like an hour afterwards. I’m pretty sure that song is just in the show to shove in stage time for the stepsisters’ jealous bullshit, anyway.”

At press time, Dorothy commented that she will be moving her talents backstage for future productions, with her key concern being the duration of the tech theatre thank-you in the next show’s curtain call.