by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley.
NEW YORK, NY - In a magically unexpected development in this season’s equity general auditions, awestruck proctors were left puzzling over the identity of a mysterious last-minute actress who left abruptly with her sheet music still on the piano.
“We had gone way over-time, but some of the non-equity folks had been there all day and we opted to stick around to at least let them sing,” recounted the walrus-mustachioed, monocle-clad casting director Gus Mastrangelo, “pretty soon we were pushing right up to midnight. And then she walked in the room.”
The yet-unnamed auditioner was the final person seen after a grueling fourteen-hour equity principal audition. Bleary-eyed monitors recounted a young actress floating into the room wearing a shimmering jewel-toned Zara fit-and-flare dress and chatting briefly with the accompanist.
“She had the voice of a princess,” murmured dumbstruck pianist Minnie Gilman, flipping through her misplaced songbook past other audition songs such as Mozart’s Queen of the Night Aria and Grandma Tzeitl’s section of Tevye’s Dream, “I’d not heard of her piece before. In fact, it was an entirely wordless melody filled with arpeggiating melodies that just left me spellbound. But before the director could ask her any followup questions, the clock struck twelve and she bolted out the door without her music. These are songs that only her voice could fill!”
Proctors reportedly called out to her, but after they reached the hallway door the only trace of the mysterious singer was a trampled cup of pumpkin spice latte. Efforts to track her down proved similarly difficult.
“Right away we looked for her headshot and resume, but when we pulled them from the stack they transformed into woodland creatures right there in our hands,” recalled director Erica Prince, shooing a pair of crop top-clad sewer rats out of the building, “I tell you, I’ve seen some surprising auditions before, but that was actual theatrical magic! She’s got to be our lead.”
At press time, the production team had reportedly sent an audition invitation to every actress in the city in hopes of finding her again.
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