by Mia Goodman. @miaagoodman.
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Megan Hilty and Jennifer Simard, Broadway veterans and stars of the hit Broadway musical Death Becomes Her, have taken their “mother” status to new heights, as they welcomed three orphan triplets to their home last week at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre.
“Our opening number, 'For the Gaze,' seems to draw a massively positive response, especially from our younger LGBTQ+ audiences,” exclaimed Hilty while organizing her massive collection of poppers from stage door fans. “Every night during bows, Jennifer and I hear hundreds of people shouting 'Motherrrr!' We thought to ourselves, ‘why not take the next step in our motherhood journey, and co-parent an orphan?’"
Miss Hannigan, owner and operator of the Hudson Street Orphanage, invited Hilty and Simard to meet some of the girls in her care.
“To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what their relationship status was," Hannigan admitted while throwing back a double shot of Bacardi. “I just knew they were famous. I pitched them our triplets just to see, but when they found out the orphan triplets had perfect pitch, it was game over," Hannigan recounted, sipping on a White Russian.
“They’re not our first high profile clients. Last week, one of the Pussycat Dolls came in with this hot younger guy, but we had to kick them out because they were dripping blood everywhere,” she added, shaking her head while slurping on a Long Island Iced Tea.
While Hannigan was pleased with the adoption, many fans were not, expressing that they felt abandoned by this new chapter of motherhood.
“We miss when they were just our mothers,” lamented Mark Tullman, a Broadway lover and one of the previously mentioned popper-gifters. “Things just are not the same with those three little girls pulling the strings backstage. Not to mention the baby monitor on stage can't harmonize at all.”
With Tony Award season inching closer and closer, Hilty and Simard have reportedly been looking to use their new status to increase their chances - lobbying in support of the new, controversial trophy: The Mother Whose Nachos Others Keep Trying to Heat Up Award, presented by Grindr.
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