by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous
LONDON – Reports out of London today suggest that the Original Broadway Cast has lost their way to Hadestown, immediately following the announcement of their West End takeover, due to a tragic miscalculation of miles to kilometers.
“I know we’re supposed to take ‘the long way down,’” said Eva Noblezada, wandering through the aisles of a rural Tesco, listening for any sign of a jaunty trombone riff. “But I didn’t realize the long way down meant multiplied by 1.60934 for every mile. Now I’m being scolded for being bad at ‘maths’ by a cashier in a town called Hades-Upon-Slough?”
Costar and original Orpheus, Reeve Carney, however, thought he would try finding his way by train.
“‘Through the Underground, under cover of night’ is just not possible when the Tube doesn’t run 24 hours,” noted Carney, while trying to forcefully slither out of the tube station barrier without tapping his Oyster Card. “Also, what’s a Picadilly Circus? I’m scared of elephants, man. And what’s Elephant and Castle? I’m so scared of Elephants, man.”
At press time, a reporter on the ground found Patrick Page in the back of an East London Nando’s, dabbing XX Hot Peri Peri sauce off his beard. When asked if he required assistance he replied, ‘No, I’m exaaaactly where I’m meant to be, innit.”
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