by J.R. Gudeon. @j.r.__gudeon.
ROANOKE, VA – Westmoore High School drama teacher Sylvia Adler reported today that due to her department’s lack of resources, she alone is tasked with both uplifting her students and being as mean to them as humanly possible.
“The disregard for the arts is an embarrassment,” Adler said while stepping over a freshman crying on a beanbag in her office. “I don’t see the football coaches shouldering two jobs worth of work. They have one person who focuses on mentoring the kids, and another totally devoted to verbal abuse. How is it fair that I have to do both?”
Westmoore senior Layla Perez described her conflicting feelings about Adler’s teaching style.
“I’m sure the tough love will pay off in the long run,” whispered Perez from her hiding spot beneath the school’s auditorium seats. “Just yesterday she told me I impressed her for failing to deliver enough emotion in a scene despite how often I burden her with my stories about personal hardships. Yeah, it hurt in the moment, but if she’s impressed, I must be doing something right.”
Guidance counselor Greg Bartlett painted an unsettling picture of how Adler responds to criticism from faculty.
“Most teachers are pretty wary of her too,” Bartlett said while Googling step-by-step instructions on how to do a jazz square. “I have a lot of kids come into my office distressed by their relationships with Ms. Adler. When I suggested she stop forming such emotional connections with her students, she told me she doesn’t take advice from someone who didn’t know Meisner technique. It made me question if I was wrong to think that kids shouldn’t cry in the name of theatre.”
At press time, Adler had last been seen crying to a student and asking for reassurance that she wasn’t manipulative.
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