by Kinsey Jasnoch. @kinseyjasnoch.
WORLDWIDE — With Christmas fast approaching, parents across the globe have cast aside threats of coal-filled stockings and creepy, Krampus-like figures in favor of a much graver consequence for children who might end up on the naughty list: the reappearance of Matthew Morrison as the Grinch.
“My son is only five, so gathering around the TV to watch Matthew Morrison play the titular Grinch in NBC’s The Grinch Musical Live! is one of his first traumatic memories,” said Scott MacDougal of Tacoma, Washington while queuing up the most menacing YouTube clips from the 2020 production, just in case his son refused to share his Legos. “He started throwing a tantrum at a restaurant last weekend, and I was able to silence him immediately just by showing him a still image of Matthew Morrison in the makeup chair being painted green and having bushy green eyebrows applied to his somber, humorless face. Everyone in that Outback Steakhouse was grateful.”
When reached for comment, MacDougal’s son, Asher, a kindergartener and recent sight-words identifier, was quick to weigh in.
“I want to make it very clear: I am not afraid of the Dr. Seuss character, The Grinch, who learned his lesson and whose heart grew three sizes. I am afraid of the very real threat that Glee alum Matthew Morrison could show up on my TV or, worse, at my home, dressed as The Grinch while thrusting his hips and barking orders at an adult man in a dog costume. If the only way to prevent that is by not fighting with my sister, then so be it.”
Agathe Dupont, a mother in Paris, France, confirmed that the threat of Matthew Morrison’s Grinch transcends cultural boundaries.
“My little girl is so terrified that Monsieur Morrison, en vert, will descend down our chimney instead of Père Noël that she has been doing extra chores around the house for the last month. My kitchen has never been so clean!”
NBC announced that they will be cashing in on the newfound and unexpected appreciation for their nightmarish live musical production by collaborating with Elf on the Shelf to create a grotesque Matthew Morrison Grinch doll that can surveil children as Santa finalizes his naughty and nice lists.
The product can also be ordered in “Allison Williams Peter Pan.”
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