by Justin Ayer. @justinayer (Twitter), @justayer (Instagram).
D.C. - In perhaps the most universally despised action of his presidency to date, Donald Trump has officially pardoned actor and late night host James Corden, causing outrage across the United States, furious sources confirmed.
“Out of all possible pardons, this one comes with the most controversy in and around the White House,” said a senior advisor to the President that wished to remain anonymous. “Everyone knows that guy sucks. Hell, even McConnell was like ‘what the hell is he thinking?! This could stain the Trump legacy for years. No one would be able to recover from this. I’m afraid Ivanka will never be President now.”
The President, a long time James Corden fan, made his decision after watching Corden and Kanye West sing on a plane on Corden’s late night show. Elizabeth Warren, a Democratic Senator from Massachusetts, was not happy with the President’s pardon.
“The President has time and time again proven that he will always stoop to new lows to help those who are the worst of us all. Carpool Karaoke has done so much damage to this nation as a whole. What’s next? Lea Michele and Katharine McPhee?!"
Allison Austin, a former Corden employee and one of the many protestors we talked to, didn’t hold back on her opinion of Corden.
“He’s such a dick. He yelled at me once cause I didn’t laugh at one of his jokes he was working on. He also got pissed at me for cringing when he tried to sing 'And I Am Telling You', but like, he should not be singing that song. I guess, for me, the worst part was he would put on his ‘gay impression’ for The Prom. And of course there's... Cats."
Still, there is hope that this undemocratic wrong will soon be righted.
“On day one, I will do all that is in my power to undo this pardon,” President Elect Biden said in front of a crowd of hundreds of thousands. “This country has been through enough of the President’s malfeasance. We shouldn’t have to live in a country where lies are stronger than truth, where profit is put before people's lives, and where James Corden isn’t held accountable for his wrongdoings.”
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