by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - The legendary Christmas Spectacular Starring the Radio City Rockettes has been canceled for the first time since its 1933 debut over concerns regarding the spread of COVID-19 - primarily due to one cast member, the camel from “The Living Nativity” number, refusing to wear a mask under any circumstances, producers confirmed this morning.
“Bllllllep, bluuuuhhh, blehh,” noted the camel while refusing to stay six feet away for the interview. “Grlllrrlllllg, behhhhhh, bluuuuuuuuh,” the camel added in a powerful statement.
The camel was recently kicked out of a local hay and grain shop for refusing the mask protocol, where they spit on several employees. The spitting charges were later dropped after the camel’s lawyer reminded the court that camels famously spit, and that its actions were due to a preexisting condition known as “being a camel”.
Some of the show’ performers were understandably frustrated by the camel’s reluctance to adhere to CDC recommendations.
“That camel is always pulling stuff like this,” noted Rockette Cyndy Leonard Fallswip. “It didn’t even start with COVID. A few years ago, the camel tried convincing all of us that the government was run by lizard people. They think that sunscreen causes hair loss and blindness. On top of that, I’m pretty sure they’re listed as an executive producer for Plandemic.”
However, the camel has gained a mass following online. Merchandise featuring the camel - which aren’t actually images of this camel, but just a general camel - have sold out online, and the hashtag #TwoHumpsNoChumps was recently trending worldwide. The Broadway Beat caught up with one of the camel’s outspoken supporters for their side of the story.
“This camel is an American hero,” noted Candice Jeckerby, who recently sent her three kids back to school even though classes don’t begin for another month. “If that camel’s play is gonna force everyone to wear masks and stay six feet apart, then it may as well not happen. Celebrating your loved ones and your tireless effort to keep them happy and safe is not what the holiday season is all about.”
At press time, the camel has already scheduled appearances on both Ben Shapiro’s podcast and Tucker Carlson’s FOX News program. They are reportedly working on a memoir titled The Only Safe Space is the Pouch Where I Hold My Water, however, they were recently dropped by their publisher after old tweets were uncovered making derogatory remarks such as “hgeeeey, bleughehhhh”, “bkreggggg, crkrrrstrrr”, and even something as morally unforgivable as “GRRUUUUUUUJJJ”.
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