by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley.
AUGSBURG, GER - Nothing brings people together quite like a good meal, but if you’re looking for one that really shakes things up, we’ve got a feast that’ll be sure to leave them cynically pondering mankind’s class struggles AND what the secret ingredient is.
Well, the secret’s out: it’s Verfremdungseffekt! So grab a plate and start your day the non-Aristotelian way with our new six-course Bertolt Brechtfast!
1. Mother Courage and Her Homemade Acorn & Hemp Seed Bread. This no-frills appetizer is sure to get your guests hungering for more! Made with the simplest, less-than-ideal ingredients, it’s a spartan dish for Spartan fighters. Because meager rations make for desperate people willing to do just about anything. After all, soldiers with full stomachs would think twice about attacking a group of farmers who outnumber them three to one. Morality is nothing if not antecedent to meeting basic survival needs. They’ll be ready to kill them all and steal their cattle in no time!
2. St. Joan of the Chicken Stockyards Soup.
Now I know what you’re thinking: soup for breakfast? Wowee! Especially if you’re a starving meat packer whose livelihood is threatened by the mega tycoons of the 20th century. Boy, that sure sounds good! And good soup makes for good people. Because if one is good on earth (and by good we mean nonviolent, compliant, and satisfied with one’s lot in life as determined by society as it stands currently) then they’ll receive God’s blessing in heaven. Serve wearing a black straw hat for extra Yum!
3. Cheese.
There’s no food quite as universally-beloved by every socioeconomic class as a nice hunk of that sweet dairy brick. But be extra careful if you happen to be serving an exiled noble in hiding from the police. Table manners—or lack thereof—is essential! Eat up your cheese like a poor person or they’re sure to catch you. Surround the cheese on your plate as if it might be snatched away at any moment. Can you ever be sure? And don’t look at the cheese so greedily. Your expression should be more on the sorrowful side, because it’s already vanishing. Like all beauty.
4. Mr. Polenta and His Man Meatie.
That’s right—it’s main course time baby! Now that you’re properly buzzed on mimosas, it’s only appropriate for a warm, loving cut of ribeye steak served on a bed of creamy cornmeal grits. Eat it up quickly before it gets cold, cynical, or you remember its price. Make your breakfast like your comedy: EPIC!
5. Your Three Comrades’ Rice Portions (With Good Person of Szechuan Sauce).
You thought you were done? No way, you fighting machine! War is a business venture by the wealthy class, after all, and they can’t have their perfect soldiers on an empty tummy. Take those servings of rice for yourself and be the violent force needed to affect change in the world…or at least in the dining room! After all, those who would let their charity be abused so would invariably be taken advantage of by someone else, so why NOT you?? EAT, EAT, EAT!!!
6. The Resistible Rise of Arturo Fondui.
What’s that smell? Is something burning? Oh my god…it’s the final course! A flambé soirée of savoury cauliflower and Gruyère that’s sure to turn heads and hauntingly allegorize the Weimar Republic. Weimar? Why not more? Double up with a sweet chocolate dip if you’ve got room left, but be careful! The pot that bore him is in heat again.
You have just read a satirical article from the independent comedy site The Broadway Beat, and now the onus is on you to go out and do something to improve society.
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