by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous.
Pawhuska, OK. - After following CDC recommendations of limiting travel for the holidays due to rising COVID cases, the tumultuous Fordham family from August, Osage County reported that the forced separation and Zoom-only correspondence is making their Thanksgiving dinner surprisingly normal, the trouble family confirmed..
“Yeah, it’s been a refreshingly uneventful dinner,” said eldest daughter Barbara Fordham before dropping a fun meme in the now-thriving family group chat. “The Zoom lag has made it really difficult to dwell on inherited emotional trauma and reveal dangerous family secrets, so we’re all just talking about the weather and how much we liked The Queen’s Gambit.”
Barbara’s younger sister, Ivy, echoes this statement, and truly believes that they’ve never been closer.
“Us not being able to be together is, honestly, the best thing that’s ever happened to our family. If anyone tries to curse out another family member, or blame them for their downfalls and tragedies, we just mute each other.”
Jean, the youngest member of the Fordham family, revealed that she has taken a more passive seat at this year’s celebration.
“I actually just looped a video of myself pretending to react with a tight-lipped smile, occasionally laughing lightly. So far, nobody’s noticed that I haven’t really been on the call and am just watching The Queen’s Gambit in my pajamas.”
At press time, the Fordham sisters’ aunt, Mattie Fae, revealed that only one family member attempted to slap another through the screen, which is a huge improvement from past family gatherings.
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