by J.R. Gudeon. @j.r.__gudeon.
RIDGEWOOD, NJ – While high on shrooms last night, local man Aron Sanders was visited by the “Angel of Music” in the form of Britney Spears carrying the snake from her iconic 2001 MTV performance.
“It was beautiful,” reported Sanders, his eyes wide with wonder and traces of psilocybin. “She glided with her arms outstretched like angel wings, effortlessly supporting her 100-pound python. She then asked me to ‘turn her head with talk of summertime.’ I don’t know what it meant, but I did my best.”
Helen Aceves, Sanders’ friend who witnessed the revelation, details what she saw.
“He was staring into space when out of nowhere he started tearing up like he was meeting his hero. He then said, ‘sure yeah ok,’ and began talking about his ‘summertime plans’ to go to Six Flags and ride Kingda Ka without throwing up this year. The next morning, I found him curled under his poster of Britney Spears clutching a VHS tape of Crossroads.”
Upon further investigation, Sanders was just the latest in a string of people to report Britney-related visions after taking shrooms from the same source. The dealer, who asked to be referred to as “Phantom,” connected the dots.
“This isn’t the first time someone’s described something like this,” Phantom said in a sunlit parking lot in the middle of the day. “One girl envisioned Britney in a flight attendant uniform and a white mask on half of her face. Another guy described ‘red latex’ Britney surrounded by candelabras. It honestly sounds awesome.”
Though Sanders ultimately enjoyed most of his experience, he reports that one unsettling effect has yet to wear off: A slithering noise followed by the sounds, “Hissss…ssss…ssssing for me…”
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