by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.
NEW YORK, NY - Seduced by the sweet pull of Earthly desire, theatregoer Jensen Bowman spent intermission succumbing to indulgence, purchasing not only a themed sippy cup, but also an oversized signed cast t-shirt.
“I bathe in this Broadway bacchanal,” said Bowman, letting a luxurious drop of warm Chardonnay drip from his lips onto the screen-printed signature of Aaron Tveit. “No longer shall I forgo pleasure. I submit to the siren song of a cup that will sit in my sink for weeks and a garment that shall be known as my Night Shirt.”
More prudent audience members were scandalized by the shameless display of opulence, like Frances Doherty, who fainted into the orchestra at the sight of Bowman’s haul.
“He sauntered to his seat in such resplendent 100% Cotton,” said Doherty, fanning himself with a free playbill and refusing a $13 Dasani. “He was like a pharaoh of yore; I did declare my poor constitution could not take such hedonism!”
Encouragement for the orgiastic excess drifted from sultry lips behind the lobby bar.
“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” whispered bartender René Mons, tantalizing the senses with an Intermission chocolate bar. “Indulge in fantasy, revel in sensual abandon, and give me your last fifteen dollars for a snack you’ll immediately regret.”
Sources outside the theater reported Bowman’s debaucherous evening continued as he ordered himself “the biggest cookie there ever was” from Shmackary’s, and a $117 Uber back to Bushwick.
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