Top 10 Things We Want to Hear Bernadette Peters Say in That Little Voice of Hers

by Brady Thomas. @cbradyt.

Photo by Jane Smith, modified by The Broadway Beat, licensed under CC BY 2.0

NEW YORK, NY - Folks, the rumors are true - we’re all positively captivated by iconic stage legend Bernadette Peters and that charming little voice of hers!  Science proves that anything she says is automatically elevated by her signature sing-song speech patterns, and we’re not ones to argue with science.

Some statements, of course, could stand to be elevated more than others, which is why we’ve compiled a numbered list of what we want to hear said in that cutesy little trill.

10.  “Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk”.  

• Not the text of the musical, just the title. You know she’d enunciate the hell out of it.

9.  “I may be the grande dame of Broadway Barks, but that doesn’t mean I won’t cut a bitch.”

• If Bernadette Peters were to make some side cash as one of the Real Housewives of NYC, who would we be to judge?  

8.  “In place of a dark lord, you will have a queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!”

• Bernadette Peters as an elf priestess just sort of makes sense, and that voice can absolutely go from cute to scary with the right dialogue.

7.  “Hoobastank”

• Funny word said in the voice. You get it.

6. “Would it be alright if I showed the children the whoring bed?”

• Cast Bernadette Peters in European arthouse films, you cowards.  

5.  “Patti LuPone can eat my shorts!”

• Studies show that engagement with Broadway media increases when the girls are fighting.

4.  The entirety of “La Vaginoplastia” from Emilia Pérez

• It can only be a step up from the movie version.

3.  “Why you trollin' like a bitch? Ain't you tired? Tryna strike a chord and it's probably A minor!”

• Because Drake probably wouldn’t sue her, due in some part to her quirky little voice.

2.  “You’re going to be ok. Although we’re currently living through a time of great chaos and discord, with the rise of global fascism and the effects of climate change starting to make themselves known, I have full faith in your ability to push through and survive and come out of this a stronger person, ready to fight for a new, more just world. I only hope that I can provide refuge through the arts for those most affected.”  

• The world is bad right now, ok?

1.  The f-slur for gay people

• Doesn't that fit into the whole "mother" thing people on the internet like? You get it.