by Rebecca Slaman. @rebeccaslaman.
NEW YORK, NY - The Wall Street Journal issued an extensive linguistics report today highlighting a steep, 90% increase in usage of the phrase “so important” by white people who just needed to tell you they’ve seen Jeremy O. Harris’s engaging play Slave Play, currently in a limited run at the Golden Theatre through January 2020.
“It’s just so important for this to be on Broadway right now,” said Felicia Bridges, a freshman at NYU Tisch. “I knew that this play would make me woke, but I had no idea it would feel so good telling people that I’ve seen it. Also it was really funny!” she added. When pressed for deeper analysis of the play, she just repeated the phrase “so relevant, so now” while slowly backing away into an Uber.
The most significant spike of this phrase was from residents of Greenwich Village, who took advantage of the $39 rush tickets available before returning to discuss at their $8k/mo apartments.
Many statistics came from Instagram, with the phrase turning up in a number of captions by your white friend Sarah, who has urged everyone in your friend group to see it.
“Slave Play is so important, a must-see,” read the caption under a photo of Sarah posing with a large cinnamon sugar pretzel outside the Times Square Auntie Anne’s. “Also, would LOVE to work with Auntie Anne’s if you’re looking for influencers. DM me!” continued the caption on Sarah’s account, which has almost 400 followers.
Researchers also reported a significant increase in the phrase “I’ve been meaning to see that,” especially from your friend Jenn, who you have encouraged to see it since its Off-Broadway run at New York Theatre Workshop.
“But I just know it’s gonna be, like, a thing when I see it, you know?” noted Jenn while waiting in line at a Lauren Duca book signing. “I totally agree though - it’s so important for that show to be on Netflix right now,” she added, clearly not understanding what Slave Play even is.
Slave Play is currently running at the Golden Theatre through early next year. It is unclear how much longer this phraseology will continue to grow once those who plan to see it strictly for virtue signalling have run their course.
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