by Anaya Brodie. @notanayasmain.
WOODBRIDGE, VA. — We have all seen the clickbait articles, Buzzfeed videos, and TikToks with the title “10 Strict Rules Rockettes HAVE to Follow.” Today, however, dreams were crushed, as a Virginia woman Natilie Cline - who has not taken a single dance class a day in her life - discovered she did NOT meet the Rockettes' height criteria.
“I’ve always loved the Rockettes, especially at the Thanksgiving parade,” Cline said, leaving out the fact that that’s the ONLY thing she knows the Rockettes from. “It has always been a dream of mine to be up there doing those high kicky thingies or whatever they're called. Unfortunately I could never quite meet the height requirement,” she said, 5’2ly.
Danielle Ramirez, a Rockette-Heighted Woman and friend of Cline, add her two cents to the matter.
“As someone who meets the 5' 6" - 5' 10.5" requirement, my heart really goes out to Natilie,” commented Ramirez while buckling her relatively-sized Laducas. “Like yeah, she may not be in any dance classes or anything related to dance, and sure, she hasn't actually seen any of their performances outside of three minutes on the parade. But there was always a small chance a big time New York choreographer could see her tearing it up in the club and go ‘that's Kick Lady material,' but we will never know because of her vertical deficiency.”
We got a hold of Cline's physician, Dr. Camille Jay, to further investigate this 5' 4" fiasco.
“I don't know why she's going around telling people she’s a different height,” stated Dr. Jay, who's apparently had to explain this multiple times. “Her medical records say she's been a whopping 5' 6" since high school. That hasn't changed. If she wants to be a dancer or whatever, don't they have classes for that? Please leave me alone. I have patients to see.”
Cline also claimed that her lack of bright red lipstick may also play a part in her not being cast-able.
“Maybe I can try out to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader instead.”
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